jueves, 25 de octubre de 2007

Purina y Rico-can

Top-5 II: Mascotas y demás engendros

Luego de casi un mes de ausencia, retomo el blog con un asunto frívolo que permita bajar el tono de los últimos posts. Supongo que luego regresaré al desmenuzamiento frío y analítico de alguna serie, pero mientras tanto, tomemos un descanso recordando a algunos personajes célebres, coprotagonistas o secundarios en su mayoría, encargados de introducir la veta cómica u ofrecer contrastes desde su forma animal. Me refiero a las mascotas, esos terribles animales de compañía que, con frecuencia (en el animé), pueden hablar, volar, manifestar poderes sobrenaturales o acusar algún pasado funesto. Mi humilde selección aspira solo a expresar mis preferencias personales y no representa un juicio determinante. Demás está declarar, conociendo el tenor de este blog, que quedan excluidos los nikonas, meowths, el mapache de CandyCandy, los gatos de Sailor Moon, Hamtaro, etc. Nota aparte: aunque soy un gran admirador de Evangelion, Pen-Pen no figura porque su participación es casi nula, apenas provoca algún gag y, supongo, prefiere su refrigerador que aparecer ante cámaras.

5. Onsen Tamago o Tortuga de Baño termal, también conocida como Tama-chan (Love Hina). Se asume que es hembra, aunque siente particular atracción por Motoko (quién no), a quien ha derrotado deteniendo su ataque especial con las patas delanteras. Tama es una presencia constante en la serie y metáfora de cuán incoherente puede resultar el humor en una serie harem. Comprometida por Suu como posible ingrediente de una sopa, partícipe de las reuniones en los baños que cierran casi todos los capítulos, Tama tiene una versión robótica y arqueológica, enhebrando curiosamente la serie con el mito japonés que la origina. Desde luego, nadie se pregunta cómo hace para volar con ese caparazón.

4. Pochi (He is my master). La mascota que todos los sexistas, machistas falocéntricos quisiéramos tener, Pochi es un cocodrilo pervertido y bebedor, con el cual sentarse a beber unas cervezas mientras se mira el fútbol, el box o concursos de miss tanga. Las hermanas Sawatari debieron haberlo corrido a la calle donde bien podría seguir haciendo sus cochinadas tomando ron y fumando moño rojo en lugar de convertirse en mucamas de un sujeto tan malogrado como su propia mascota solo para encontrarle techo al condenado. Las mejores escenas de humor de He is my master incluyen a Pochi como aquella donde comienzan a romper los jarrones y antigüedades de Yoshitaka o cuando ambos degenerados intentan seducir a una sadomasoquista y su malvada cocodrila. ¡¡Maestro!!

3. Ein (Cowboy Bebop). Einstein es un gadget en forma de perro y resuelve los casos con mayor facilidad que cualquiera de los seres humanos que lo rodean. Denle un arma y disparará mejor que Spike, puesto que su coeficiente intelectual, está probado, supera por diez u once veces el IQ de Faye. Se supone que era un perro de laboratorio, pero no entiendo cómo pudieron expandir tanto las capacidades de un animal hasta permitirle hackear complejos sistemas informáticos. Juega shogi y maneja carro: sus capacidades son inigualables. No permitan nunca que se junte con Pochi.

2. Slash (Mahoromatic). ¿Sorpresa? Luego de Evangelion, Mahoromatic es mi Gainax favorito. Si bien no podríamos considerarlo una mascota, sino un mecha de apoyo, Slash termina pareciendo el guardián del perro de Suguru (¿alguien recuerda su nombre?) que una pieza clave de combate. Sus comentarios y rivalidad con el profesor Ryuuga aportan una nota de comicidad inesperada en un personaje pensado para imponer la seriedad. Momentos de lujo están relacionados con Slash, sobre todo cuando comenta el ataque “pecho plano” de Mahoro contra la profesora Shikijou o cuando instiga al abuelo de Suguru a emborrachar a Ryuuga. Todos sabemos que ser pervertido es algo malo gracias a Mahoro, pero no podíamos imaginar que la vida hogareña podía integrar también a un arma de combate con forma felina.

1. Albert Chamomille o Chamo (Mahou Sensei Negima y Negima!?). Fumador indecente y sibarita, negociante de pactios temporales, ladrón de prendas íntimas, este armiño blanco es el segundo hit de Ken Akamatsu en esta lista de mascotas, lo que me hace sospechar si en lugar de crear personajes femeninos, debería dedicarse a los animales. Chamo transita la débil línea que separa el descaro de la lealtad, pues aunque se mantiene fiel a Negi, un utilitarismo sin vergüenza hierve su sangre cuando gana 50,000 dólares armiñanos por cada Pactio que realice su amo. En Negima!? protagoniza una secuencia de primera cuando Nodoka lee sus pensamientos más oscuros usando su poder de diario íntimo. Podemos encontrarlo haciendo comentarios sarcásticos sin que nadie se lo pidiera, impunemente como si para él no existiese la ley. Algunos quisieran verlo muerto de cáncer al pulmón.

Los invito a comentar la lista y, si consideran que fui injusto con alguna mascota célebre, propongan también su propio top-5. Para la próxima, podría escoger algunos de los siguientes temas: hermanas, openings, endings, canciones insertadas, violencia injustificada, besos, escenas sangrientas, en fin, ustedes elijan.

30 comentarios:

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Pues de todos me quedo con Pochi. Es más figureti y funciona en el contexto de la serie.

Ein es solo un perro, osea no tiene una personalidad propia. Aunque cae simpático por su papel de víctima silenciosa de Spike y Faye.

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